Her Totem
by Abby and Liv Snigglebottom
Summary: Olivia dug through her closet after she returned home from work. It had to be in here somewhere. She hadn't been back this far in years. However, she needed the comfort today the most. She finally found what she had been searching for. Her Viola. Her doll. Her totem. What could've happened after the screen went black at the end of Totem. Based on Dr. Jackson's question to Olivia.


Hello out there! It is us, Liv and Abby Snigglebottom. First of all, we'd like to explicitly apologize for not posting "Unbelievable." Honestly, we're really thinking of scrapping the idea. Sorry to anyone who wanted to read it! This takes place right after Totem ended, and well, the inspiration for this story just kind of hit us like a ton of frozen bacon, so enjoy! Disclaimer time! Disclaimer: We do not own anything Law & Order: Special Victims Unit related. We wish we did, but we don't. Oh well…

Olivia dug through her closet after she returned home from work. It had to be in here somewhere. She hadn't been back this far in years. However, she needed the comfort today the most. She finally found what she had been searching for. She pulled a large cardboard box out of the deep recesses of the closet and opened it. On top of all of the "memories" from her childhood, was a doll. A beautiful doll, still in perfect condition, almost as if she had never touched it before. But this was untrue. As a child, it was her most prized possession. She took better care of that doll than she took care of her herself sometimes. She named it Viola, after the character in the Shakespearian play "The Twelfth Night". She loved the air of mystery they spun around her; it was so intriguing. So she was Viola. Her Viola. She picked up the doll, so carefully, as if she was made of the most fragile tissue paper and glass, and hugged her closely. After the last case she needed some comfort from her long-time friend. How a mother can do something that horrible to her mentally handicapped daughter mind boggled her. She buried her face in Viola's sweet brunette hair, relishing in the feel of it after all these years.

The last time she had done this was after the Gitano incident. She shuddered at that memory. She remembered coming home after requesting a new partner, and Cragen's advice.

"Just a temporary transfer, Liv. You and Elliot need some space, I get that. But I don't want you to make any rash decisions you may regret later. Let's just... give it a whirl for now."

The words still rang in her ears, taunting her. Afterward, she had gone straight for the box in the closet, pulled out Viola, and wept into her hair. The thought of losing Elliot… it was just unbearable to her, even today. She hadn't realized it until now, but tears were streaming down her cheeks, swiftly and silently. She suddenly felt like a little girl again, hiding from her mother's drunken wrath with Viola in her closet, much like Katie had done earlier today. Olivia felt helpless once more, as the awful memories from her childhood, as well as the past few years, flooded over her in massive waves. Her mother striking her as a little girl, coming after her in her teenaged years with a piece of a broken bottle, Richard White, the shooting in her second year at SVU, all of the dead children they found in the cult slaying years ago, Gitano, Elliot being blown up, beaten up, shot, etcetera, Sealview, Sonya's grisly murder, Olivia being framed for murder, and being poisoned, all of it. She was now rocking on the floor, clutching the doll, all the while her body being wracked with heart wrenching sobs. She could've gone on forever like that, if a soft, familiar voice hadn't pulled her back from the precipice she was dangerously on the edge of, and about to tumble off.

"Liv?" Elliot softly spoke, sinking down on his knees beside her.

After a moment of silence, Olivia swiped at her eyes and spoke.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Elliot" she said, sniffling.

"Don't be, Liv. After all that has happened this year… I'm sorry."

After this admission, he pulled her into a hug, and Olivia cried once more, only this time on Elliot's shoulder. After what seemed like forever to Olivia, Elliot pulled both of them up. Olivia pulled away slightly, still in his strong arms, and looked up at Elliot with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen. Elliot wiped Olivia's tears away gently.

"Liv, I really need to talk to you. How about drinks at Meloni's?"

Olivia wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes answering in a steadier voice.

"Sure, El."

They were about to exit Olivia's apartment when she realized she was still clutching Viola.

"Wait, El! I have to put her back." She said, motioning to the doll cradled in her arms.

Elliot nodded, and Olivia walked back into her room. She kneeled by the box once more, and tucked Viola into all of her abandoned memories. She kissed Viola's forehead, and gently closed the flaps of the box. She tenderly put the box away in the closet once again, promising to see the doll the next time she was sad or depressed. Olivia walked back over to Elliot, who opened the door. "What was that?" he asked Olivia as she exited. She smiled a little and replied, "My totem."

Okay, we wrote this after watching Totem after a REALLY long period of time. And the thing that our dear Elliot wanted to talk to Olivia about, yeah, it was to tell her that Kathy had filed for divorce again a while ago and it finally went through! With an admission of luuuvvveeee... Hehehe. Hope y'all liked it, pip pip, ta ta, so long, and review please!


End file.
